Cream cheese, bologna, onion, Worcestershire sauce, and crackers—this bold Bologna Cake is retro, weird, and seriously delicious.
I didn’t grow up in one of those Pinterest-perfect homes where dinner looked like it came from a magazine. We had Hamburger Helper nights. We had canned green beans that were boiled to death. And we definitely had bologna in the fridge more often than not. Bologna sandwiches with a Kraft single and way too much mayo? Yeah, that was practically a food group in my house.
But Bologna Cake? That was a new one.
The first time I saw it was on some meme about cursed foods from the ’70s. You know, the kind where you’re half-laughing, half-gagging. But then something weird happened—I kept thinking about it. Like, what if it was actually good? What if my childhood comfort meat and cream cheese had some kind of… magical chemistry?
I tried it. And I’m a little embarrassed to say this, but it was shockingly good. Not like, “five-star restaurant” good. But “laugh-with-your-friends-and-go-back-for-seconds” good. Which, let’s be honest, is way more fun anyway.
Why You’ll Love This Bologna Cake Recipe?
Okay, okay, hear me out.
You don’t make Bologna Cake because you’re trying to impress Gordon Ramsay. You make it because it’s a conversation starter. It’s hilarious, it’s nostalgic, and weirdly… it works.
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It’s like a retro party trick. You serve it, people laugh, then they eat it… and then they come back for more.
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It’s so simple, it’s almost suspicious. No baking. No cooking. Just stacking and spreading. If you can make a PB&J, you can handle this.
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It hits that salty-creamy combo in a way that’s low-key addictive. The bologna is salty, the cream cheese is tangy, and the onion gives it that little bite that says, “I’m fancier than I look.”
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It’s a total throwback. Feels like something your grandma made in 1974 with a cigarette in one hand and a Tupperware jello mold in the other.
Let’s be real: not everything we eat needs to be health-optimized and macro-balanced. Sometimes you just need a ridiculous meat cake in your life.
Ingredient Notes:
You only need five ingredients. And no, none of them are kale.
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Bologna – A whole pound. I used Oscar Mayer because… nostalgia. But you do you.
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Cream Cheese – Get the full-fat stuff. You’re making a bologna cake, not a smoothie.
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Grated Onion – Raw, sharp, and kind of aggressive. Just a tablespoon or two goes a long way.
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Worcestershire Sauce – Still not sure how to pronounce it correctly. Still love what it does here.
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Ritz Crackers – The MVP of the cracker world. Salty, buttery, and absolutely required for serving.
That’s it. That’s the list. No unicorn dust, no hard-to-spell cheese varieties. Just solid, old-school ingredients doing their best.
How To Make Bologna Cake?
You don’t need to overcomplicate this. It’s a meat cake. Let it be weird and wonderful.
Step 1: Mix Your Frosting
Softened cream cheese (seriously, don’t skip softening it unless you enjoy an arm workout), grated onion, and a splash of Worcestershire. Mix it until it’s fluffy and kind of spreadable. Don’t worry if it’s not perfect. Nothing about this is.
Step 2: Build the Layers
Start with a smear of the cream cheese mix on your serving plate. It’s your glue. Then, bologna slice, spread, bologna, spread—until the stack looks slightly ridiculous and you’re proud of it.
Step 3: Frost the Whole Thing
Like you would a cake. Only this time, you’re frosting lunch meat with cheese. Just go with it. Slap it on, smooth it out, and maybe pipe some swirls on top if you’re feeling theatrical.
Want To Save This Recipe?
Step 4: Chill It Out
Stick it in the fridge for at least an hour. Overnight is even better if you’ve got the time. The flavors do this weird bonding thing that makes everything taste better on day two.
Then serve it up with crackers. Watch people do the head tilt. Then smile when they go back for seconds.
Storage Options:
If you somehow have leftovers, wrap it up tight and keep it in the fridge. It’s good for about 2–3 days. After that, the bologna starts to look tired, and honestly, so do I.
Do not freeze it. I repeat: do not freeze this. You’ll end up with a sad, soggy science experiment.
Variations and Substitutions:
The great thing about this recipe is that it has zero rules. Which means you can break all of them.
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No bologna? Use turkey. Or ham. Or that weird olive loaf if you’re feeling chaotic.
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Want heat? Add hot sauce. Or horseradish. Or both.
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Get herby with it. Dill, parsley, chives—whatever you’ve got on hand. Sprinkle some on top or mix them into the “frosting.”
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Make it mini. Do individual stacks on crackers. Like meat cupcakes. Because why not?
This recipe is basically a playground for people who grew up on Lunchables.
What to Serve with Bologna Cake?
Besides a sense of humor? Glad you asked.
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Ritz crackers – Non-negotiable.
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Pickles – Dill, sweet, spicy—just make sure they’re there. They cut through the richness perfectly.
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Carrot sticks – Because balance. And also because they’re great for scooping.
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Cold drinks – A soda, a beer, maybe a retro punch with floating orange slices? You get it.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Is Bologna Cake actually good?
Surprisingly, yes. If you like deli meats and cream cheese, you’re probably gonna enjoy this more than you want to admit.
Can I make it ahead of time?
Yep. In fact, I recommend it. Just keep it cold and covered.
Does it taste better than it looks?
Almost always. Let’s be honest—it looks like a dare. But it eats like a deconstructed sandwich that got invited to a party.
Listen, life’s weird. Sometimes it throws you curveballs like soggy cereal, canceled plans, or bologna molded into a cake. But those are the moments you remember. The ones that make people laugh, roll their eyes, and then ask for the recipe.
So yeah, give it a go. Try making a Bologna Cake. Worst case? You get a great story. Best case? You get a crowd-pleasing, retro-cool, ridiculous-looking masterpiece that tastes better than it has any right to.
If you do make it—please tell me. I need to know what your uncle said when he saw it. Or how your kid reacted. Or what your dog tried to steal. Let’s trade stories. Meat cake for life.
<Remember it later>
Planning to try this recipe soon? Pin it for a quick find later!
<Remember it later>
Planning to try this recipe soon? Pin it for a quick find later!
Keep the Flavor Coming – Try These:
Bologna Cake
Ingredients
- 1 pound sliced bologna
- 1 8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
- 2 tablespoons grated onion
- 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
- 1 package Ritz crackers or similar buttery crackers, for serving
Instructions
Prepare the Cream Cheese Mixture
- In a medium-sized mixing bowl, combine the softened cream cheese, grated onion, and Worcestershire sauce. Using a hand mixer or a sturdy spoon, beat the mixture until smooth, fluffy, and evenly blended. Ensure the cream cheese is at room temperature for best results.
Assemble the Base of the Cake
- On a serving platter or cake stand, place a small spoonful of the cream cheese mixture in the center. This will help anchor the base layer of the bologna.
Build the Layers
- Place one slice of bologna on top of the cream cheese “anchor.” Spread a thin layer of the cream cheese mixture evenly over the slice. Continue layering slices of bologna and spreading cream cheese mixture between each, until all bologna has been used.
Frost the Exterior
- Use the remaining cream cheese mixture to frost the top and sides of the assembled stack, creating the appearance of a savory cake. A small spatula or butter knife works well for this step. For a decorative touch, consider using a piping bag to add simple designs or swirls on top.
Chill Before Serving
- Refrigerate the completed Bologna Cake for at least one hour to allow it to set and firm up. This makes it easier to slice and enhances the overall flavor.
Serve
- Slice the Bologna Cake into wedges and serve cold with Ritz crackers or your preferred savory crackers.
Notes
- Substitute traditional Ritz crackers with a certified gluten-free alternative. Many brands now offer gluten-free buttery crackers that closely mimic the original flavor and texture.
- Ensure that the Worcestershire sauce used is gluten-free, as some brands may contain barley malt or other gluten-containing ingredients.
- All other components of the recipe are naturally gluten-free, but as always, double-check labels if preparing for someone with gluten sensitivity or celiac disease.
I’m Bitty, owner of nodashofgluten.com, where I share simple, delicious recipes for all tastes, including gluten-free. Check out my “About Me” page for more info!
